Six Months Lost
by idkwhatiamdoinganymore
Summary: After Yuri Katsuki is injured in a skating accident and in rehabilitation for six months, he loses his confidence in his skills and his anxiety gets the better of him. Will he ever regain the will to skate again? (Rating because of slightly heavier themes and some dirty jokes included.)
1. Broken

Chapter 1

The slowly fading light of the setting sun threaded its way through the glass windows, mixing with the harsh lights hanging in the rafters far up in the ceiling. The softly glowing beams shone on the ice, causing the freshly smoothed surface to glow. The silver blades of Yuri Katsuki's skates cut shallow grooves of frost as the world-famous figure skater glided across the rink, as graceful as if he was just another dancing beam of light himself.

He paused in the center of the ice, letting out his held breath in a cloud of fog that resembled the mist that hung over the mountains of his hometown, Hasetsu every morning. His dark brown eyes darted left and right as he mentally mapped out the route he would take across the ice.

Yuri slowly moved to the starting point of his program. Then he was off, gracefully making his way through his carefully choreographed program that he and his coach and fiancé, Viktor Nikiforov, has spent countless hours creating, polishing and tweaking, until it was absolute perfection. All there was left to do was to perform it to the same level as it had been planned.

Yuri was lost in the infinitely dazzling melody of twists and spirals, in the leaps carrying him far into the air. He let himself be carried away until he no longer noticed the ice crystals being kicked up by his skates, fracturing the light into a million glittering colours that fell through the air. He was still conscious of his movements, but he hardly needed to dwell on them. To him, skating was simpler than walking.

He leapt into the glacial air once more, spinning, landing on one foot. And that was when disaster struck.

An unforgiving dagger of red-hot pain sliced through Yuri's leg as his left foot twisted to the side in an unnatural direction. He went crashing down onto the ice that had seemed so natural under his skates just mere seconds ago, but now it held nothing for him as his entire consciousness was devoured by agony.

Yuri's vision was blurred and hazy. He couldn't speak. He barely managed to comprehend the sound of a distant shout, someone calling his name. Yuri's brain managed to form a single competent thought before he blacked out.

Viktor.

Six Months Later

Yuri couldn't remember much of what happened that day.

He remembered waking up in the hospital, deep under the haze of anaesthetic.

He remembered a distraught Viktor, who had sprinted to the hospital the moment he had heard what happened.

Most of all, he remembered the feeling he had gotten when he saw his left leg, completely hidden by the cast that it was in. And then, the despair he felt when he heard the doctor's words, spoken to Viktor.

...skates broke, the blade fell off somehow.

...severely sprained, torn muscle.

...six months of rehabilitation.

Yuri won't be able to skate until it's fully healed.

He still had nightmares about it. Nothing had ever happened in his train wreck of a career compared to this.

Yuri dragged himself out of his thoughts, bringing the hospital waiting room into focus. Today he was finally being released. He stood in line waiting to fill out the release documents. After a full six months of rehabilitation, he was finally able to stand on his own. Mind you, standing was the least of his worries.

After signing the forms, Yuri thanked the secretary and walked out of what he had begun to think of as a prison as fast as he possibly could.

The automatic doors slid open before him, letting a gust of fresh air flood Yuri's senses. Viktor was waiting for him outside. When he saw Yuri, he looked at him as if it had been years since they'd seen each other, when in reality it had only been a day. Yuri practically leapt into Viktor's arms. Both of them were flooded with pure relief at seeing each other.

Yuri pulled out of the embrace to look at Viktor. Just so he could see him. Just to look into his beautiful eyes, just so he could see his face without the depressing backdrop of the bland hospital walls, and without choking on the sterile air surrounding them.

It's alright now. Viktor's here. It's all going to be okay.

Yuri was struggling to keep tears from flowing out of his eyes. Viktor clearly was as well.

Finally, Viktor spoke.

"Let's go home."


	2. Restless

Chapter 2

Viktor woke up for the fourth time that night, feeling as if he had fallen and been jolted awake by some invisible force. He felt like he was burning into nothing. He sat up in bed and glanced over at Yuri, who was still sound asleep and oblivious to Viktor's distress. Viktor sighed deeply and got up to get some fresh air, hoping in vain that it might let him actually get some rest.

—————

The kitchen was lit by the moonlight streaming in from the window, casting ominous shadows on the countertop with its cold, pale glow. The light glinted off of the golden ring that rested on Viktor's fourth finger, letting off a glow brighter that the moon itself. Viktor poured water from a jug into a glass. The light glinted across the ripples in the water as he drank from it.

This has got to be at least the tenth night in a row that this has happened, Viktor thought. It had been over a week since Yuri had gotten out of the hospital, and Viktor still was constantly worried about him. Would he get injured again? How had that happened in the first place? Will Yuri be able to keep skating? These thoughts flooded his head, leaving room for nothing else. He groaned and rubbed his eyes. Well, seeing as my worries are going nowhere, I might as well try to actually get some sleep for once. Viktor sighed, his breath creating condensation in the air.

Viktor crept back to his room, trying to make as little noise as possible as to not wake Yuri.

"Viktor?" Yuri murmured as Viktor lay down.

"It's ok, I was just getting water." whispered Viktor.

"Oh. I was worried that maybe you weren't sleeping well."

"I'm fine, as long as you're here." Viktor replied.

"Still, try to get more sleep"

"I will."

Yuri rolled over and wrapped his arms around the thoroughly exhausted Viktor. His heavy eyelids no longer had the energy to remain open, and he finally, finally, fell asleep.

—————

The next morning, Viktor felt much better, at least in the sense that he wasn't sleep deprived for once. However, that didn't stop him from having three cups of coffee before he even started breakfast.

"Otabek and Yurio are coming over later today, right?" asked Yuri, yawning hugely as he sat down.

"Yeah, they wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Actually, Yurio said he wanted to confirm that 'the pig is still alive', but I used the kinder translation of that." Viktor replied.

Yuri laughed. "That sounds like Yurio."

They continued to have a regular conversation, but for some reason, Viktor felt an imminent sense of dread weighing down on him. He knew that this couldn't go on forever. It had been six months and sixteen days since Yuri had skated at all. That scared Viktor. He knew more about Yuri than anyone else did. He knew about his anxiety, the fear he had to face even during practice, never mind while competing. But he also knew there was little Yuri loved more than skating. He knew he was going to have to bring up the matter eventually. Was Yuri ever going to skate again? That thought terrified Viktor.

He couldn't let Yuri lose what had brought them both back to life.

Author's Note: Hi! I hope you like my story so far, and that it isn't boring or anything. (If you have any feedback I'd love to hear it :) This is my first time writing fanfiction but I'm doing my best. Thank you for reading! (If anyone actually reads this)


	3. Panic

Chapter 3

Over the past week since Yuri had been discharged from the hospital, he had received dozens of tearful phone calls and messages, from fellow competitors, including an uncharacteristically refined video call from Christophe Giacometti, and a heartbreakingly emotional call from his best friend, Phichit Chulanot. Yurio had also emailed him, trying and failing to mask his concern. Otabek called him after that incident, apologizing profusely for his boyfriend's insult-laden message. He had also called his family, who he missed more than anyone. He wished he could see them, but unfortunately they were far away in Japan, whereas Yuri was currently living in St. Petersburg, Russia with Viktor.

Yuri was worried about his family. They had been recovering from financial problems recently, so they hadn't been able to make it to Russia to see him. He hated having to communicate with them solely through text and phone calls. It was so difficult to express emotions without having them directly before him, without being able to actually see them while not being separated by a computer screen.

He was also scared that he was being selfish somehow, by being terrified of what they thought of him. Him and Viktor, that is. Deep down, Yuri knew his family was okay with them getting married, but his irrational mind thought that they were disappointed in him. Not angry, but disappointed. He wasn't sure which option was worse. His sister had always talked about how much she wanted a cute sister-in-law, which she would never get now. His parents probably wanted grandkids to dote on, but he obviously couldn't provide them with that. Not biologically, at least.

Disappointed.

Yuri groaned and lay back on the couch, trying to think about literally anything else. He moved his gaze to the large glass window on the other side of the room, praying for the heavy, bloated storm clouds in the sky to part so the sun could send warm, comforting light to warm his face. Unfortunately, the oppressive sky refused to lighten.

Viktor walked into the room. "Yuriiiii!" he shouted, his face lighting up. "I thought you'd gone out to get food for later."

"I should probably go do that now." Yuri sighed and stood up. "Can you do me a favour?"

Viktor beamed. "Anything."

—————

Ten minutes later, Yuri had left to the grocery store, and Viktor was left to clean the entire house until it was spotless.

This wasn't what I meant when I said anything.

—————

Yuri slowly made his way down the busy street, yet again lost in thought. He knew he should talk to Viktor about his fears sooner than later, but he wasn't quite sure how, or when. He needed a distraction, to prevent his thoughts from traveling directly to fear the second he ran out of things to do. Otherwise, he would be stuck like this forever, his thoughts bouncing between fear for his family, his career, his life, without room for anything else.

He couldn't stand that.

Yuri's feet crunched in frozen soil as he cut through the now-lifeless garden bed in front of the store. At this point, he could safely put his full weight on his leg without any pain. He could walk wherever, and even run.

But can I still skate?

Skating was Yuri's career. His life. If he lost that, what did he have?

—————

The jarring sound of a motorcycle engine ripped through the air, disturbing the tranquil silence that had existed mere minutes earlier. A pair of dark eyes slid their gaze over to the window as Yuri was alerted to the arrival of Yurio and Otabek, two of Viktor and Yuri's very close friends, competitors, and almost-family.

Yuri dropped what he was doing and dashed after Viktor to try to get to the door faster. Unfortunately for him, Viktor had beaten him to it.

"Yurioooooo! And Otabek! How are you?"

"I've told you a million times, loser, my name isn't Yurio." the angry Russian teenager grumbled. "How's it going, fake Yuri?" he asked, glancing over at a breathless Yuri.

"Huh? Oh- okay, I guess," Yuri replied, moving away from the doorway to stand beside Viktor.

"I apologize for my boyfriend," Otabek said as he appeared in the front doorway.

Viktor laughed, and Yurio glared icy daggers at Otabek. There was an awkward pause that hung in the air between them for a moment, before Viktor broke the silence by pulling both Yurio and Otabek by the arms.

"Come innnn already. It's great to see you!"

Yurio rolled his eyes and took Otabek's hand, then followed Viktor inside to the kitchen. Yurio glanced behind him as he exited the entryway, shooting an immensely relieved glance at the other Yuri. Yuri shot a questioning glance at him, unsure whether or not he had been imagining concern of any kind from Yurio. However, the teenager simply shook his head and let himself be dragged inside by a decidedly ecstatic Viktor.

—————

After the group had seated themselves at the dining table, another uncomfortable silence ensued.

"Sooo… how are you two doing? Gotten up to any… mischief lately?" Viktor asked, barely managing to hold back laughter.

Both of their guests' faces turned bright red with embarrassment and Yuri turned to Viktor in utter exasperation.

"What exactly are you implying, Viktor?" Yurio growled through bared teeth. Otabek was obviously trying to hold back his amusement, but wasn't doing much better at it than Viktor was.

"Hypocrites."

This time, it was Viktor and Yuri's turn to go red-faced.

"Otabek, you little-"

"Viktor no."

"Fiiiiine."

Yurio was still seething by the time that everyone had stopped laughing.

"Do you guys want any food?" Yuri asked them.

"That'd be great, what do you have?" Otabek inquired.

"Well, there's-"

"If you say katsudon, I quit." Yurio muttered.

Otabek poked him and mouthed something, to which Yurio rolled his eyes again.

"So, what have you two been doing recently?" asked Otabek, trying to change the subject.

Yuri smiled contentedly as he listened to his friends talk about all sorts of things. No sooner than he'd began to think about how great things were going, he heard a sentence that sent waves of ice crashing down his spine.

How's your figure skating going?

Yuri's head snapped up and his eyes widened. All of a sudden, every last vestige of his previous contentment was gone from his mind, and he was on edge, anxiety high.

Yuri had struggled with anxiety ever since he was in high school, and it had only gotten worse as his figure skating career picked up, and even worse when it had suddenly plummeted. But none of that compared to what he was feeling now.

He hoped the question hadn't been directed at him, because he didn't know how he would answer it. Well, I haven't even been in the general vicinity of an ice rink for over six months, and all my skills have probably deteriorated. It's going to take me forever to get them back, if I even actually can regain them. Either way, my career will never be the same again.

No. That couldn't happen.

"-recently, Yuri?"

Yuri was jarred back to reality by the sound of his name.

"Wh- what?"

"I said, have you tried skating since you've gotten back home?" Yurio asked, exasperated from having to repeat himself. Viktor glanced at Yuri, his cerulean eyes heavy with concern.

"Umm, no. I haven't." Yuri responded, wringing his hands in his lap with unease.

"Seriously? The hell are you waiting for? There's no point in me winning gold again if you retire." Yurio retorted.

Yuri froze. He felt an intense heat starting to build up behind his eyes and knew what was coming. His breaths came quick and uneven, and his eyes darted, trying to blink away the tears welling up. Finally, he couldn't hold it back any longer. A glimmering tear slid out of his eye, catching the shining with light and carving a path down Yuri's pale cheek.

Yurio glanced at Otabek, hoping for assistance as he had no idea how to handle this. However, Otabek was also at a loss of what to do. Viktor rushed to comfort Yuri, hugging him and whispering in his ear.

"Yuri?" Yurio haltingly whispered. He was aware he had made a mistake, but he was unable to do anything to fix it.

Yuri tried to calm his breaths. He looked upwards, meeting Viktor's gaze.

What Viktor saw in Yuri's eyes as he held onto him was the worst thing he'd ever laid eyes on.

Because although he had never felt something like what he had seen there in his entire life, he still knew one thing.

Nobody should have that much fear.

—————

Author's Note: Bonjour again my amigos. Last chapter I noticed how… out of character the characters were. I tried to fix that in this chapter. Feedback on that would be much appreciated (thank you). I also tried to make this chapter longer. Anyways, I hope you like it and aren't bored, etc. Have a great day.


	4. Embrace

Chapter 4

"I- I can't."

Yuri's mind scrambled to form a coherent thought, to no avail.

Yurio's eyes were wide, his face flushed, at a total loss of what to do. Otabek's eyes were strangely unfocused as he tried to determine Yuri's train of thought.

"Yuri, are you…" Viktor trailed off, not bothering to finish his sentence, because there was no point in doing so. Yuri was obviously not okay. And Viktor had no idea what to do.

Yuri, after failing to calm himself, turned to Viktor and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his fiancé's warm chest. Viktor hugged him back, doing his best to comfort him.

It seemed to Yuri that, when in Viktor's loving embrace, nothing could hurt him. Nothing would ever get to him, not when Viktor was by his side. That thought was enough to stop the violent shudders coursing through his body, and to slow the tears welling in his eyes. Viktor rubbed his back, and Yuri slowly lifted his head to face reality.

His two guests were staring at each other awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with either of the older adults as they had a silent conversation through their eyes.

After that, conversation resumed and the atmosphere became light once again. However, there still remained an air of tension as, through all their banter and friendly discussion, there was the fear of bringing up that subject again.

—————

It was 10:00 at night. Yurio and Otabek had left a few hours ago, and Viktor and Yuri had gone to bed.

"Good to see they're doing well," Yuri murmured, referring to Yurio and Otabek.

"Yeah." Viktor exhaled heavily, the sound rippling through the still and silent air.

"Look, Viktor, about what happened earlier… I- I just wanted to say… I'm-" Yuri's voice broke.

Viktor's heart ached. It might as well have killed him to see the person he loved the most feeling like this. He rolled onto his side to face Yuri, pulling him closer.

"Yuri, it's okay, you don't have to apologize for anything. It's not your fault."

"What if it is?"

Viktor blinked in surprise. "What do you mean by that?"

"What if it is my fault? I- I got injured, what if it was my fault? I was- I was never good enough, not for any-"

"Yuri! Why would you think that? The injury wasn't your fault! Didn't you see how your skates broke? The screws holding the blades on had been loosened, there was no way it could have been you. Didn't you see?" Viktor was shocked that Yuri could even suggest that it had been his fault. Sure, he had his anxieties, but what had happened was clearly an accident. These things happened.

"Skates breaking accidentally isn't normal! I must have done something wrong, something- I failed! I got hurt, I got better, but am I ever going to be able to skate again? I can't do it! I'm too weak, I'll never be able to get back up. 6 months, Viktor. It's been too long. I can't even stay competitive for that much longer!" Yuri was practically shouting now, streams of tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Yuri, you haven't even- you haven't been near the ice after that. You were- you are amazing. Can you at least try? For me, and yourself. I just… I can't stand seeing you like this." Viktor cupped Yuri's face with his hand, stroking his hair. "I love you so much, I don't think I could forgive myself if you stopped skating. You love it. You're incredible at it. I'm not even being biased when I say you're better than I am."

"Liar," was Yuri's muttered reply.

"I'm not lying. Anyways, skating brought us together. I want to skate on the same ice together with my spicy katsudon again in the near future."

This brought a faint smile to Yuri's face. He reached his arm out to move Viktor's hair out of his face. "I love you so much, I don't even know what to do with myself."

Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuri, his azure eyes getting lost in the depths of Yuri's inky ones.

"I'll- I'll try again. I promise," Yuri managed to say.

Viktor pressed his soft lips against Yuri's.

"Thank you."

—————

It was the day after. A Friday. The clouds still refused to clear, hanging in the atmosphere, dark gray and heavy with rain they had yet to release. A far cry from the golden sunlight that had been present the last time Yuri had been to this place.

At the center of St. Petersburg, a city in a country full of aspiring skaters, lay a public ice skating rink. Currently it was deserted, due to Viktor having booked it for several hours.

The nervousness Yuri was feeling at that moment was greater than all the anxiety he'd felt before competitions, and the terror he had had when he found out he'd lost yet again.

Yuri held Viktor's hand tightly as they walked through the sliding glass doors, a bag of equipment slung over Yuri's shoulder.

Yuri closed his eyes, inhaling deeply, then let it all out, preparing himself.

His eyes snapped open, and he stared into the room where his worst nightmare had taken place.

————-

Author's Note: Ok. Wow. I didn't update for like a week, so I apologize. I'm also very sorry, that was my first time in my entire life even attempting to write something even vaguely romantic, so please tell me if I actually did okay. Anyways, I hope y'all liked it, and any feedback/tips would be much appreciated. Thank you!


	5. Stumble

Chapter 5

The ice rink was clear of people, the ice still glistening, yet to be carved through with silver blades.

Yuri inhaled deeply, attempting to get rid of the insistent, nagging, cold weight of pure dread in his stomach. He took in the glass windows, the steel rafters far above, the ice reflecting the gray sky outside. The same location, but somehow a far cry from the scenery of what had happened on that day.

Viktor glanced over at Yuri, trying to read his emotions. He tightened his grip on Yuri's hand, wishing he knew what to say to make him feel better. Unfortunately, Viktor was at a total loss of words, for once.

A few minutes later, the couple stood at the edge of the ice. Yuri's hands were shaking from the stress, causing Viktor to feel helpless. He couldn't think of a single word, or a single thing he could do that would help. Yuri had to do that for himself.

Finally, Yuri worked up the courage to step onto the sheet of ice.

"Start small," Viktor warned him.

Yuri nodded. This is it.

He began to move across the ice, in a single, fluid motion. He didn't try to jump or try anything advanced. He knew where doing that would lead him.

Even though he was already in motion and hadn't fallen, his nerves refused to settle. His entire body trembled, and his motions were full of uncertainty. Viktor watched from the sidelines, concerned. How could Yuri still have so little confidence? Was the mental recovery going to be more difficult than he'd expected?

After Yuri had done a few laps and even attempted some footwork with no failure, Viktor made up his mind.

"Try an easy jump," he called out.

These words caused Yuri to stop what he was doing and head back over to Viktor.

"I can't."

Viktor groaned internally. That was the exact response he had been expecting. "You can. Trust me, I'm your coach," he said, grinning.

"But- Viktor, what if I fall again? What if I get hurt? What if-"

"Yuri," Viktor said, abruptly cutting off the other man. "Please?"

Yuri was about to outright refuse, or make some sort of reply, at least. That was until he saw the look in Viktor's eyes. Determination, concern, and a hint of desperation. Yuri finally noticed how worried his fiancé was for him, and gave in.

"Okay," he said softly. "I'll try."

Yuri lowered his gaze and moved to the center of the rink once again. He would do it for Viktor. He decided he would do the most basic, elementary jump there was: an axel, but with only a half-rotation instead of one and a half. If I can't do that, I can't do anything.

He forced himself to swallow his nerves, and pushed himself off into motion. Gliding across the ice, he prepared himself to jump.

He had worked up the courage, now all he had to do was carry it out.

He sped up, and pushed off of the surface, into the air.

He landed.

And then he stumbled.

Yuri landed on his hands and knees, staring at his reflection. He had failed. He couldn't even do the simplest jump imaginable without stumbling, so what good was he now?

As what had just happened finally registered, Viktor felt a sinking feeling in his chest. Knowing how low Yuri's self-esteem was, this would make it even harder to get him back into skating.

Author's Note: It's the author here. I am sorry. I haven't updated for ages, and when I finally do, it's a tiny chapter that isn't even that good. I'm not sure where I'm going with this either. Anyways, I'll try to update more often, but it might take a while. Still, hope y'all are enjoying, criticism is much appreciated. Thanks!


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